How the evening opened

The Nudge (four immeasurables)

This meditation is simple. We’re going to connect with our own innate motivation to care. By the end we’ll be able to see that it’s possible to nudge our attention towards care if we want to. The instructions are just ideas. Use what is helpful.

Sit in a way that feels steady. Notice your body. Notice your breath. You do not need to change anything right now. Let’s just rest for a moment. One of the main ideas of this meditation is the difference between noticing what is and nudging our attention in the direction of care. For now, let’s notice what is.

And now let’s nudge our attention towards care.

Bring to mind someone or something that is easy to care about. It could be a baby, a child, a pet, a friend, a plant, a spiritual teacher or being, or someone in your family. What we’re looking for is something simple and uncomplicated.

Choose someone you do not have to work hard to care about. Let them come to mind. It’s okay to trust your sense of what is most beneficial to work with today.

You may see an image. Visuals can be a powerful way to connect with your intention to care. You may remember a moment. Memory can also help us connect with our intention to care. You may only have a sense of them. That’s great too. Thoughts, ideas, and felt senses can also help us connect with care. These are some doorways among many to help us practice nudging our attention towards care.

Notice what happens in your body when you think of your chosen being. Maybe your chest feels warm. Maybe your face softens. Maybe your breathing changes. Maybe you feel an ache. Maybe you do not feel much. We don’t have to force anything to happen. We’re back to just noticing.

Now I’d like to invite us to connect with our sense of care for this being. You want this being to be well. You want good things for them.

Stay with that for a moment. See what happens for you as you connect with that sense. This is where we will start.

Bring them to mind and think: May you be well. Notice what happens.

Then: May you be safe.

Then: May you have some ease.

You can use other words if they feel more natural. You might simply think: I hope you are okay.

The exact words are not important. The care behind them is important.

Now imagine that this being is having a hard time. Nothing extreme. Maybe they are tired. Maybe they are scared. Maybe they are sick. Maybe they feel alone. Notice your response. You may want to help. You may want their pain to stop. Stay with that wish.

You can think: May you be free from suffering. Or: I hope this gets easier for you.

Now imagine something good happening for them. Maybe they are playing. Maybe they are laughing. Maybe they are with someone they love. Maybe they are doing something they enjoy.

Notice what it is like to see them happy. Can you let yourself enjoy their happiness? You can think: I am glad you are happy.

Now remember that this being has a life of their own. You care about them. You cannot control everything that happens to them. Both things are true. See if you can stay with the care without trying to control the outcome.

You might think: I care about you. Your life is your own.

Closing

Now let all of the techniques go. No image. No phrase. No special breath. Nothing to figure out. Come back to the simple sense that you care. Rest there for a few breaths. When you are ready, come back to the room.

The question we started with

  1. When you hear the word refuge, what does it mean to you?
  2. What do you feel like you need refuge from in your life right now?
  3. When something feels difficult in your life, where do you instinctively go for relief?

Teaching notes

Verse 1: Precious human life

  • Recognition, appreciation.
  • What makes human life precious?

Verse 2: Leave your homeland

  • Attachment, aversion, and ignorance: homeland is our inner habits of mind, separate from established patterns.
  • Why leave familiar territory? What is the function of attachment and aversion?

Verse 3: Rely on solitude

  • The role of solitude and mortality-awareness in spiritual practice, limiting distractions.
  • What does distraction look like in my life?

Verse 4: Impermanence

  • Impermanence and renunciation: what does it mean to me that nothing is permanent? How does that feel?

Analytical meditation

Impermanence

Let’s take a moment to settle in. This exploration will be simple. We don’t need to force an insight or make ourselves feel anything. You can close your eyes, soften your gaze, or look down at the floor. Notice the weight of your body in the chair. Notice your breath without changing it.

pause

The verse we are working with says: Our body is like a hotel. Our mind is like a guest. One morning, the guest leaves the hotel.

For the next few minutes, we’re going to stay with that idea.

What is changing in my life right now?

pause

Maybe something comes to mind quickly. A relationship. Your work. Your body. Your health. Your family. A friendship. Something you are gaining. Something you are losing. Choose one thing that feels alive right now. It does not need to be the biggest change in your life.

Bring it to mind.

What is different now than it was a year ago? What did you expect would stay the same? What actually happened?

pause

Notice what happens in your body as you think about this change. Maybe there is tightening. Sadness. Relief. Fear. Excitement. Maybe very little. We are just noticing.

pause

Now ask: What am I trying to hold onto here?

pause

Maybe it is a person. A feeling. Your health. A role. A plan. A version of yourself. A good period in your life.

Wanting to keep what we love makes sense. But look at the thing itself. Has it ever really been still?

pause

Think about your own body. It has been changing from the beginning.

Think about yourself five years ago. What did that person want? What were they afraid of? What did they think their life would look like? How much has changed?

pause

The verse asks us to look at further implications of change. Family and longtime companions will part from each other. The things we worked hard to gain will stay behind. And one day, the guest will leave the guesthouse of the body.

pause

Notice what happens when you hear that. Just let the fact of it register and notice. This body will not always be here. The people I love will not always be here. The things I own cannot come with me.

pause

Now ask: If I acknowledge this to be true, does that change anything for me?

pause

Maybe there are things you spend a great deal of energy protecting, collecting, managing, or worrying about. The teaching is not asking us to throw those things away. Letting go of this life does not have to mean getting rid of your possessions or walking away from the people you love. It asks a different question: How tightly am I holding them? What am I asking them to give me?

pause

Can another person stay forever? Can my possessions make me secure forever? Can my body stay the way I want it to? Can I build a life where nothing important is ever lost? Really let yourself consider this.

pause

Notice what emerges for you. This does not make ordinary life meaningless. It may make it more precious.

pause

Bring to mind someone you love. Perhaps the being from our earlier meditation or perhaps someone different. If you knew clearly that your time together was limited, would anything change in the way you met them? Would you listen differently? Would you forgive something? Would you say something? Would you pay more attention?

pause

Now bring your attention back to yourself. If the body is only a guesthouse, what is it about us that stays?

pause

The teaching points toward qualities that do not depend on material circumstances. Practice. The habits of mind we build again and again.

pause

These habits are a kind of wealth we carry. So ask yourself: What am I investing in?

pause

What am I practicing so often that it is becoming part of me? Fear? Resentment? Grasping? Or kindness? Patience? Compassion? Loving kindness. The wish to use our life for the benefit of others.

pause

Just notice what’s real and alive for you.

pause

Now return to the change you brought to mind at the beginning. Maybe the question is no longer only: How is this situation changing? Maybe there is another question: How do I want to meet this while it is here?

pause

What is worth appreciating now? What is worth releasing? What is worth practicing?

pause

For a little while, we can stop asking questions. Just sit with whatever you noticed.

long pause

Before we finish, return once more to the image of the guesthouse. This body is temporary. This life is temporary. The people and things around us are temporary. And because they are temporary, how we meet them matters.

pause

Take another breath. Feel the chair underneath you. Notice the room again. And when you’re ready, come back.

Questions for the week

Choose one or more of these practices to take into the week ahead:

  • What makes my life precious?
  • What do attachment, aversion, and ignorance feel like in my day to day?
  • What is the role of busy-ness and stimulation in my life?
  • How do things change for me when I consider the impermanent nature of my circumstances?